Ok..... so this was meant to be a video blog... but I had trouble uploading my stuff and I'm not sure yet if I want it on Youtube to get it here..... I had about a months worth of dashboard confessionals leading up to this moment.... which is ... My First Chemo Treatment. Things may be out of order sometimes... but I'm an outta order kinda person anyway...
If I can get through to just one other person who is going through this .... and let them know that they are not alone in how they are feeling... my job is done...Cause even with all the love and support I have around me... I feel desperately scared and alone!!!
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My chemo treatments began last Friday Aug 27th... I have been nauseous to say the least... My stomach constantly feels like someone has punched me in the gut!...Couldn't really eat sleep or drink over the weekend... I have no energy or strength to do anything. Tried to get out for a bit on Sunday... but that just made me even worse!!!....I don't know what I was thinking there... I guess the stir-crazies set in and I thought it would do me some good.... WRONGO!!!!
Went back to doc on Monday for the neulasta shot (to keep white cell count good) and as soon as she saw me she sent me to get some fluids and anti nausea meds(which still didn't work)..... That gave me just about enough strength get home anyway...
Later that night around 6 my friend Lisa stopped by... I noticed that I was having pain all over my upper body ... Neck, jawline, and back are sore to the touch...Feels like my glands are beyond swollen... I'm also experiencing random stabbing pain in my breasts... I woke up to the same pain and now my mouth feels like it is peeling on the inside... like my flesh is falling off... my tongue is tingly as if I burnt it...and it feels like I have peroxide in my mouth going down my throat..... my taste buds are shot... nothing tastes like it's supposed to....Anyway after freaking out for a bit we decided to call the doc and make an appt to see her today...
In the interim Kat and I looked up the side effects of the Neulasta shot... and it was everything that I had been experiencing...
When I got to the office I started feeling nauseous...what else is new... and started to panic too... I looked around me to see a room filled with much older people than me. Some of them could hardly walk... or were there alone... I started feeling like a whiny little sniveling baby... especially when these two elderly sisters both came in hobbling with big canes and one of whom only had use of one hand... She had the cancer of course... They were so sweet to eachother... and to me later on...
A nurse called my name and she took me in to stick my finger to check the white cell count..(which was on the high side) and I told her I felt like an idiot complaining when there were people there who looked worse off than me... She told me to NEVER compare myself with anyone else. Everyone is at different stages and each had a different kind of Cancer.... She told me how I had a Very Strong protocol of Chemo, and had every right to feel as shitty as I do...
When we finally got to see the doc and I told her everything...She didn't seem one bit surprised to hear any of it... We could have told her my ear fell off and she would've prob just nodded... Not that she wasn't paying attention...but that every single symptom was legit...
So off I went to the infusion room for some fluids and nausea meds... We discussed how Zofran had worked for me in the past, and how I read yesterday that Atavan had helped others... so I tried taking quarter mg at a time and I was able to eat 3 meals and drink... We also discussed instead of the Neulasta shot next time that we try something different.... It will involve Kat giving me 3 shots at home that may be less painful to my body.... We'll see...
It's Thusrday... one week after my first treatment... Haven't been able to go back to work yet.... Which scares me....Still nauseous as hell... No energy... and I still feel like someone has beaten the crap outta me...Oh Wait!...Strike that!... I haven't crapped yet again today... LOL ;)~
PS... Thank you Bebe for taking such great care of me... I could never get through any of this without you by my side... Love U more!
